I hope everyone is enjoying my delving continuously into the FFL universe. So much that they make me an icon?
“PJ? Is that you?” Sam sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes, his cell phone pressed to his ear. “I can barely hear you.”
“Sam, I need you to come get me.” PJ’s voice was practically drowned out by the background noise from wherever she was calling.
“Why are you calling me? Call David to send the car,” Sam groused tiredly. He glanced at the clock. “It’s past your curfew, you know. You’re going to be grounded.”
“Shut up and just come get me,” PJ said, a pleading note in her voice. “I don’t want to be here any more.”
“Where are you?”
“At a party on K Street.”
“K Street!” Sam lost all tiredness and scrambled from his bed to get dressed. “You’re at a party in Suicide Slums?! Jesus, Peej, are you insane?”
“Now you know why I didn’t call David to send the car. I would like to live to see my seventeenth birthday.”
“What makes you think I won’t tell?” Sam yanked on gray sweatpants, shoved his feet in his sneakers, and ducked into his closet for a shirt.
“Because you’re already in your closet getting a shirt,” PJ said matter-of-factly. The background noise became muffled.
Sam scowled as he drew on a royal purple plaid flannel. He switched ears with the phone. “You’d better be waiting for me by the door.”
“And you owe me.”
“The next time you’re out past curfew at a party in the bad side of town, I won’t tell The Dads,” PJ drawled. “Oops. That’s right. You’ve never broken curfew in your life.”
“I’ve cut it close,” Sam defended himself. “But I’m twenty-one. I don’t have a curfew any more.”
“You also don’t go out anywhere to require one.”
Sam grabbed his wallet and keys. “I do, too! I went out yesterday and didn’t make it home until ten-thirty!”
“That’s because the electronics store kicked you out when they closed,” PJ said. “Face it, Spazstastic, you don’t have a life.”
“Just because I don’t find parties in Suicide Slums to be fun, doesn’t mean I don’t do fun things.”
Sam opened his mouth—
“—that does not involve electronics, animatronics, or any other kind of –tronic parts.”
—and shut it with a snap.
“That’s what I thought.”
“I hate you,” Sam muttered, pulling the car out of the garage. “I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
“Good. There’s some creepy guy eyeing me like I’m dinner.”
“Shit. I’m hurrying.” Sam shifted gears and peeled out. “Keep talking to me.”
“We need to find you a steady lay.”
“On second thought, don’t talk.”
“Come on. You haven’t had a boyfriend since Kurt and that was forever ago. That’s pretty pathetic.”
“It’s too bad you inherited the gay gene. I know tons of girls that want to go out with you.” PJ paused. “Well, maybe one. Two if I begged.”
“I don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy.”
“No, you don’t,” PJ said. “But I know I want something like The Dads have together. Though, without the gross noises that comes from their bedroom.”
“Oh, sick. I don’t want to think about them having sex.”
“I know. It’s really ick. But I think they’re trying to make another baby.”
“Yeah, too. I heard them talking about it.”
“You were eavesdropping.”
“Do you want to hear this or not?”
Sam checked his radar detector and ran through the stoplight. “Go on, I’m listening.”
“Well, they were talking about Papa Lex’s vasectomy—”
“I changed my mind. Don’t tell me anymore.”
PJ went on anyway. “—and they were worried that it had healed itself, because of Papa’s whacked physiology, because Daddy Clark thought he’d seen semen swimming around in his egg sac—”
“I’m going to barf now.”
“—and they had this weird argument about kinks, which I so did not want to learn about. Like, did you know, Dad really likes it when Papa Lex sticks his big toe—”
“I don’t want to hear that!”
“Oh, yeah, sorry. Anyway, then they got into a discussion about if it would be so bad if Daddy Clark got pregnant.”
“The answer was no, and then they started talking about maybe making one on purpose and how they’re so old and that Papa Lex would have to go get unvasectomied and they’d have to rehire Colleen and break the news to Grandma and Grandpa, which would be Daddy Clark’s job…”
“It sounds like they’ve already decided.”
“Yeah,” PJ agreed with a sigh. “We’ll have a little brother or sister soon.”
“You don’t want one?” Sam turned the corner. “I’m on K Street.”
“As long as he or she’s not like you, I don’t mind.”
“The feeling’s mutual. I’m here.”
Sam saw PJ come outside of a decrepit building and he stopped the car. Broken down vehicles lined the street, graffiti desecrated any surface, and scary-looking men eyed Sam’s Bentley from the corner. He thumbed off the cell phone, as PJ hurriedly got into the car. “Buckle up.”
“Drive, moron, before they shoot us,” PJ said, snapping on her seatbelt.
Sam did as told, peeling out of the neighborhood. He glanced at PJ. She looked okay, if tired and frazzled. The streetlamp caught a shiny strip of skin where she’d once had a tattoo on her face. “You all right?”
“I’m fine. You didn’t wake The Dads up, did you?”
“No. Even though I should have,” Sam said, driving for home. “It’s literally suicide for you to be in the slums.”
“Save the ‘You’re a Luthor’ sermon. I get enough of that from Papa Lex.”
“He wouldn’t sermonize if you didn’t do stupid things like this.”
“Yes, he would, because I’m not perfect like you.”
“I’m not perfect.”
“To Papa you are.” PJ grumped. “‘Sam didn’t get suspended’, ‘Sam doesn’t dress like a prostitute’, ‘Sam is making something of himself’, ‘Why can’t you be more like Sam?’ I hate it.”
Sam wasn’t sure what to say. “Grandpa Lionel likes you the way you are. He’s always snickering at Papa Lex whenever you do something crazy like this.”
“True. He gives me money to go out, too.” PJ set her jaw. “But I’ll show Papa that I’m better than you. After I graduate from college, I’m taking over LuthorCorp and I’m going to make a gajillion dollars, leaving LexCorp in the dust.”
Sam rolled his eyes. “You won’t get into college if you don’t stop getting suspended.”
“Shut up. We’re home.” PJ was out of the car before it fully stopped.
“You’re welcome!” Sam called after her, from behind the closed passenger door. He shook his head, shut off the car, and headed inside the house, to find PJ caught by their fathers. Papa Lex and Dad stood in the doorway of the kitchen, wearing matched, faded plaid bathrobes over their pajamas.
“Sam,” Papa Lex said, Dad looming behind him with sleep-mussed hair. “PJ says she was out with you tonight. Is that true?”
Sam replied without hesitation, not needing a cue. “Yeah. I picked her up from her friend’s earlier and she made me take her to a late movie.”
Papa Lex looked between them and then stepped out of the doorway. “Get to bed, PJ. You have school tomorrow.”
“Okay. ‘Night. ‘Night, Daddy.” PJ kissed both Dads on the cheek and scurried out of the kitchen.
When she was gone, Papa Lex turned his attention to Sam again. “Where was she?”
“With me,” Sam lied. PJ so owed him.
“Why would she want to go to a movie with you?” Dad asked.
“It was rated R.” Sam changed the subject so he could stop lying. “Dad, are you gaining weight?”
Dad’s hands went to stomach and he patted himself. Papa Lex turned immediately, with hope written all over his face. “Are you, Clark? Does that mean—”
“No.” Dad shook his head, apologetic. Papa Lex’s shoulders slumped.
Sam felt like a heel. “I’m going to bed.”
“Good night,” Dad said, even though he was looking at Papa Lex compassionately. He took Papa Lex’s hands.
Sam scooted past them and paused over the threshold of the doorway. “Uh, Peej and I wouldn’t mind having another sibling, just so you know.”
“Thanks, Sam,” Papa Lex shot a half-smile at Sam. “Have a good night. Tell your sister to stop eavesdropping.”
“I will,” Sam promised. He watched a moment as Dad kissed Papa’s Lex on the forehead before making his way to his bedroom.
PJ sat on his unmade bed. “Am I caught?”
Sam shook his head. “Nah. I took you to a rated R movie. Let me know which one we saw and how it ended.”
“Everyone died. It was tragic. You wept. I laughed at you.”
Sam shoved her playfully. “Get out.”
PJ bounced off the bed and out of the bedroom. “’Night, freakazoid.”
“I heard that!”
Sam laughed, shut the door, and went back to bed.